Boob-ersations with Grandma

I've decided that if I ever had a stand up comedy act, I could make an entire act based on my grandparents and the adventures I tend to have with them. We all know Grandma Mickey, right? She's way crazy, I think she's got some dimentia going on and some good old narcisistic personality traits, and she loves when people pity her and hates... well, everyone (except her favorite "baby Ben" my uncle, but I think she kind of hates him too.) Anyhow, me and Andrea went to the Richfield Walmart to get some clothes and stuff with Andrea's gift card, and who should be there but the lovely and talented "G. Mick" who was at the mart in search of a new broom, which she never got, because she could just get one at the hardware store, and one at wal mart might break. In fact, she never bought anything, we suspect that she hangs out in stores like wal mart so she can see people she knows and make them her awkward conversational victims. And that's what I got to be! We were just picking out clothes, when she made her swoop. Andrea was blind sided, but I saw her first and got to do a round of the section before I went to exchange pleasantries. So we said Hi, had the usual Grandma conversation (weather, holidays, how I'm feeling) and she left to get her broom.Then we finish and proceed to the dressing rooms, and she comes back and is like, "well, can I visit with you for a minute?" um, yeah, grandma, I can't exactly say no. So while Andrea finishes trying on her clothes I have to think of things to say to her, and she's so hard to talk to because I know whatever I say she will misconstrue and spread around town what a whore i am or how snobby I am, or just wierd, which I don't care if the people of Aurora, Utah think I'm a wierd, snobby whore, but It makes it hard to think of things to say. Backto the story: the dressing rooms are right across from the lingerie department, which department apperantly horrifies my Grandma. We were right across from the large bra's that are all fancy and sexy. And she says, "are those real bra's?" and I say, "um, yeah..." here's the rest of the talk: Her: "well, they sure are big. and bright and colorful", me: "yeah, they are" her: "I can't imagine them making them so big! and why you'd want them so colorful." At this point I want to point out that some women actually do have big knockers, by choice or by nature, and those bra's are probably more for fun than for function, but I know that a comment like that will turn me back into Aurora Whore, so I don't say that. Here's more: Andrea: "Cynda, come look at this", my mind: "praise the Lord!" I go look at the outfit, and return to my doom. Grandma: "this is kind of an embarrassing place to stand", as she looks at a silky nightgown. Me: "I'm sure no one thinks you're shopping for yourself, grandma, and if they do, that's their problem." This comment will probably make me the snobby, rude, Aurora Whore, but, I can't edit everything! Grandma: "if you needed a bra that big, imagine the stress on your back" Me: "yep" Grandma: "My friend's daughter's were so big that she needed to get a surgury to make them smaller, because it was so bad for her back" me: "oh, I know Andrea's old room mate had to have her bra's special made because sttores didn't make them big enough. She was like an E cup or something." Grandma: "wow." Me:"I think she ended up having that surgury too" Grandma: "hmm." awkward silence. Then Andrea was FINALLY done. We went to pay, and Grandma went up front to wait for us, she didn't want to wait in line because she didn't have anything to buy. She just wanted to stand up front and wring her hands like a crazy little lady. So, we all left together, and tried to explain the concept of a gift card to her, I don't think she got it. No one should give her gift cards. We went towards our car and she explained to us that she parked clear back in the parking lot so she could get her exercise, even though we all know that she parks in the back of all parking lots so she can look for loose change people have dropped, somtimes she doesn't even go in a store she just walks the entire parking lot on her treasure hunts. And that was our fun encounter with Grandma.
For those of you who actually made it to the end of this blog, congratulations, and I don't want to be told I'm being a jerk, and I should consider myself lucky I even have a grandma, I already know this, and plus, If I didn't have grandma mickey in my life, I might have a higher self esteem, but I wouldn't get awesome psychotic experiences like this! This was a real crazy day!

Home Alone!!!!!!!!

Well, I got a cold. Therefore I got to miss kualii's cousin's college graduation. Up side of being sick, you get to get out of stuff like school, or incredibly boring college graduations, it also got me out of going to church to see my brother in law, John, get the melchezedik priesthood. Which I'm pretty glad for. The down side of being sick, well... being sick. I'm feeling much better now, and am enjoying my sweet alone time in the house. I'm usually away from Kualii, with his opening up the shop and working his other job too and all, but I'm not usually alone in the house. Today I'm a free woman. I can go throughout whatever percentage of the day that I choose bra-less and without brushing my teeth, although i did brush, that little dinosaur on tv told me to. I can verbally abuse the dogs when they are rude and refuse to fetch me ice cream, and no one will think the less of me, I can sing 'Hey Jude' at the top of my lungs, I don't have to hide in my room all day in order to avoid being annoyed, I can spend as much time on the computer as I want, I can walk around butt naked (which, lets face it, who doesn't want to do that in their in law's house... okay I didn't walk around naked, but I could have). It's also a great opportunity to hang out with one of the most awesome people ever: ME!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTA

Today is a very special day! It's the day Krista Morgan Eger becomes a woman... or turns 22, either way. Krista is one of my BFF's 4 LIFE!!(how lame was that? ha ha) and I have so many good memories with her that I decided to write her an uber-awesome birthday blog! Let's see what some good memories are... oh, there was that time that we went to the drive in to get slushes and ended up making an interpretive dance to that "you and I collide" song, a lot of our memories have to do with the art of dance:) that time I debuted my moves to her, that time she did a very sexy dance for me to my favorite Weezer song. (I am laughing so hard as I'm writing this). There's also that time we had a fight about whose boobs were bigger- they were definitely hers, but I will probably be more serious competition once I pop this baby out. There's been many a time we drove around in her and Phil's van to vent our problems, which I so appreciated! I'm sure there's much more, but, I have to go to class soon, and seeing that it would take me an eternity to write of the virtues of Krista, I'm just not going to have time! But, I love you so much (probably in innaproppriate ammounts...) I'm so glad fate made us neighbors! I hope I get to see you soon, but until then, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas Time!

Isn't it crazy that it's already December? It definitely doesn't feel like the good ol' Christmas season here in st. george, other than the Christmas lights around town. The leaves here are still all colorful and falling off. It just feels like this year is going so fast it's trying to catch up with itself. I am hoping that I'll be able to find a good present for everyone, and money to get said presents. I'm not all that worried about it though. I know it's not as much about the presents as it is about the spirit and all, but, here are some really awesome presents I want:
*A horse that changes colors, like on the wizard of oz.
*a magic carpet
*one of those white tiger cubs, with the really blue eyes. Those are cool.
*no stretch marks, they make me itchy:(
*new underwears (those aren't that cool, but I really need them)
*Kualii to have a sucessful garage business (this might actually happen soon, yay)
*never having to see a picture of Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie again.
*glass slippers
*a time machine (something maybe a little cooler than the dalorian on Back to the Future)
*an invisibility cape
* a regular cape, just to look cool like Superman.
*if I'm going to get a color changing horse, I might as well have a unicorn to keep it company.
*WORLD PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Anniversary to Kanye and Luscious

Kanye and Luscious (Connie and Russell) are my parents. They have been married for 29 years today! I was thinking about it today, and I'm pretty sure they are the coolest parents EVER!!! When they die (in a hundred years) their funerals are going to be the most hard core funerals ever. I think they will request that we all wear shorts like Angus from ACDC (which will work out for zack, he has super purty man legs!) and we will probably have to play "For Those About to Rock, we Solute You!", that and "Hell's Bells". I think you get the message, my parents ROCK!!!!!
Top Ten Reasons my Parents kick a%$!
10. they instilled in me an appreciation for classic rock. This makes me feel profoundly superior to most people my age (excluding the ones reading this!)
9. They are hilarious. There is never a dull moment with them.
8. They appreciate sticking it to the man as much or more than I do.
7. They are way fun to hang out with.
6. They make all their kids feel special.
5. They take me four wheeling and buy me shoes and candy!
4. They let me and Kualii live in their house for free!
3. They are taking good care of my precious cargo (low rider):D
2. They are really good examples of a good marraige and they made it through some really hard times together, and never seperated or got divorced like lots of people do when life gets rough.
1. They love me the most of all of their kids (ha ha ha! just kidding!...or am I? I am pretty loveable!)

Rage!

Okay. Maybe my hormones are making me entirely unreasonable, but either way I'm all sorts of unsettled. So my mother in law, today she's like, "okay, I have a project for all of us girls today." So, I'm thinking oh, great, we're going to have to make more forsaken fleece blankets or make cards or scrapbook, but she wants us all to team up and clean out her stupid closets. The craft closet, the coat closet and the pantry. I'm seriously afraid that when we clean everything out of those closets we will uncover a secret portal to the seventh circle of hell!!!! They are that bad! She always buys all sorts of crap she never needs, then stores it in places like these closets. I don't want to clean them!
I think what makes me the maddest is not being given a choice, it's just, we are going to clean the closets, and that's that! Ugh! I hate being told what to do. I don't know why, but I have a serious case of stick it to the man-eosis. Maybe I should just be ok with this, i mean, her house her rules. but it chafes me so!
The other thing that ticks me off is how increadibly sexist this family is! I mean all the stupid guys have to do is take care of the stupid yard. You guys have seen this yard, it's just not all that substantial! Boo hoo! they have to pull a couple of weeds while I have to risk being sucked into the underworld! But, that's how it is because cleaning is the woman's job and yard work is the man's job. I just hope we don't find a spider while cleaning, because spider killing isn't in our job juristiction, we need a big tough man for that! Ooh! It sickens me! probably because at my house, my dad would be cleaning out the closet or doing yard work and my mom would be cooking or getting bills payed or maybe just listening to the Stones real loud on her computer (or all three). I'm not saying I don't want to cook or clean, I'm just saying, that's not all I want to do around the house. What if I'd rather pull weeds? What if I'd rather clean my own room and worry about my OWN stuff and avoid everyone in this house all together? I just don't like that gender roles have to be so defined by this white bread, june cleaver society! Okay, that's enough of that, people will wonder if I'm cleaning the closet, or coming out of it, ha ha ha!
You know what the real problem is? it's probably not gender roles, I just want to have my own closets, and my own space and my own life. I want to decide when and how stuff gets done for my own stuff. I'm tired of communal living. I want to be the boss! I don't want to be the worker! and yes, I'll just do it anyway, because I do use stuff in those closets, and I probably mess them up. and besides, what choice do I have? It's not like I can just get in my car and leave for the day. I just want my own place so bad I can't stand it. Everyone pray that money will work out, or low income housing or something! Until then, I'll continue to fight the system from the inside:) maybe I'll puke all over her craft supplies so she has to throw them all away. Ha ha ha! Okay, I'm calmed down now, and it doesn't seem so bad, but it is so nice to have a release for all of this! I heart blogging angrily!

Oh my gosh! I don't want to write this stupid alzheimers report!

I have an oral report due tomorrow, and do you think I can make myself start on it? heck to the no! I hate my stupid teacher, she is so lame! If all she wants me to do is get up there and spout some medical journal crap that no one understands, well then.... I'll just do it, but I'll draw mean pictures of her on my notebook afterwards.
I wonder if I could just bring my crazy grandma in as a case study. Then I'd have to worry about her being in st. george, and not taking her insulin and stealing a car and driving it off of one of these lovely, scenic, red cliffs. Yeah, not such a good idea. My grandma is mean anyway. I think she hates me, which is ok, but still every time i see a crappy little white car that looks like hers, I panic and have to remind myself I am in st. george, she is in aurora, and her car would definitely not make it down here!
Ok, enough procrastinating! I will write my report, like the good martyr that I am!

A Baby Boy!!!!!!!!

We had the ultrasound yesterday, and I was right! It's a boy!(congrats to those of you who were right with me, and to those of you who weren't- you'll learn to doubt me, sucka's!) I still can't get over how cool it was to see him! I'm pretty sure he is the most awesome baby ever! He is due on April 19th, and we want to name him Kualii Russell Min. Some people (ok, just my brother in law, kuhio) don't think we should name him after Kualii, but I don't see why not. Kualii is a good name. It means kind chief or king. And Russell is my dad's name, so that can't go wrong, because my dad is pure awesomeness!
Well, I already like him so much that I'm making a top ten things I like about baby Kualii list. I'll probably make a new one once I really meet him.
10. He already reminds me of his dad. He was always moving!
9. He has a funny personality, he would tease the ultrasound tech, she needed him to straighten out for a picture, so he would for a minute, then he'd scrunch back up almost immediately, then he just stayed scrunched up, no matter what she did. You could tell she was getting a little frustrated!
8. He liked being scrunched up, like I do when I sleep, he had his knees up.
7. He seems so playful already.
6. HE IS A BOY!!!!!!!!!!! Ha ha ha! my sister in law was jealous, and I was RIGHT!
5. He has all his parts and they are working right, his heart was beating, his arms and legs were moving, and he weighs 9 ounces!
4. He could be a hand model. He kept moving his little hands in different positions, and they always looked cute!
3. It was just so freaking cool to see him!
2. All the measurements and pictures looked normal to the tech,(the pictures she could get) so he's normal and healthy!
1. He is mine! Isn't that so crazy?!

The Baby Junk

So, tomorrow we get to find out the sex of the baby!!!!!!!!!!!My many exclaimation points indicate my excitement! As most moms do, I have had lots of input, from family, friends and my intuition, and newly psychotic pregnant dreams (which they were already plenty crazy dreams, now they're just more crazy, with a more violent twist- I am super strong in my dreams). Kualii really, really wants a boy, I really want a boy too because when I got pregnant, Lei, my sister in law announced she was pregnant too, but a month ahead. They are having another girls, so if I have a boy it will be the first grandson on this side, and I need my thunder back. Also, I don't think Kualii will get as excited if it's a girl, which will fuel my rage. In my dream last night, I went to the ultrasound and found out it was twins, but, they were both hiding so we couldn't tell what either of them were, I then proceeded to sew Kualii a new church suit. I told you, my dreams are nuts. Here is the other input I have gotten:
My mom: thinks it's a girl, but she was dead wrong with Lei, and I think she just wants another granddaughter cause she's only got one.
My Dad: girl, he tends to agree with my mom, and likes to buy baby dresses, because they are cute.
Andrea(sister): girl, she wants another niece.
Suzy & TJ(sister and brother in law): no input, they are probably sure it's a baby though.
Zack(brother): he is voting Hermaphrodite. I'm hoping he's definitely wrong, if it's not a hermaphrodite, he thinks it'll be a boy.
Shaylee(niece, 8yrs) girl, her grandparents have infected her with their lies.
Brayden (nephew 7 yrs) girl, likewise
Cody (nephew 5 yrs); boy, go cody!
Kualii's family hopes for a boy, so I'm clumping them together.
Krista ( friend, secret lover) hopes it's a boy too, she is on my side for everything, go Krista!
Well, that's all. I will say this, if it is a girl, it'll have the most hair of all the grandkids on this side, unless by some genetic miracle, Lei's baby is a very hairy child. So I'll always have that!;)

Kualii Top Ten

You know on David Letterman, how he does the top ten lists? I love that, so I decided to make top ten lists for people I love.
Top Ten Good Things about Kualii (my husband)
10. This is mean, but, he is the funnest person to annoy, I don't know why, it's just hilarious
9. He recognizes my car as a thing of beauty (it's a blue '93 mazda 323 hatchback, ya jealous?)
8. He got me a doggy- the best dog in the world! A bassett hound named Low Rider.
7. He yells really loud at sports he watches, also hilarious
6. He is cute when he sleeps, he gets all cuddled up like a baby, it's so cute!!! Yeah, my gag reflex is kicking in on that one too, but it's still true!
5. He gets so excited about things, I think that's such a good quality.
4. He always thinks I'm beautiful, even when I think that's a load of crap.
3. He has developed a weird asian accent that he uses when I call him his nickname that he hates (Gozi- how could you hate that?) and when he is in the shower. It is so funny. I love it!!!!
2. He is crazy like me, so he likes my craziness!
1.He loves me and he would never hurt me - on purpose, my feelings get hurt all the time, pregnant or not, but he would never be a jerky, cheating, lying man-whore like some people I know!!!!!!!!!!

My First Blog

Well, it certainly is an emotional, and important day when a girl has her first blog, and I'm very glad that I could share it with you ( I'm addressing a reader as if other people will actually read this, they might not, which is ok because I'm sure they will entertain me and my mommy just fine!). I decided to blog because my friend Krista has a blog and I like to read hers, Jamie has one too, so I decided to join the group. Also, I just have too many good ideas not to have them published on the internet, for example, sports. My thought on sports such as football or basketball is that I would follow them alot better if the team names were food names, because food is actually something I care about, as apposed to vicious animals or maurauding groups of people (well, I suppose I care about dolphins, they seem like very nice animals). Anyhow, I care a lot more about food, food would be interesting, you could like the teams that were the foods you like, like, I would always cheer for hamburgers over meatloaf, or steak over hamburgers. This idea works for many reasons, they could give a team even more unity, like if it was Philadelphia, the cheese steaks, or if it was Idaho, the potatoes, and so on and so forth. Also, this could help team mascots too, if they were short on money they could work advertising for resturaunts during the day, and at the games at night. And this, my friends, is only one example of my brilliance. I advise you to read on, because it could get even better ( I write this to you assuming that you didn't stop reading after my prose on the niceness of dolphins). Okay, that's all for this time, but I think my idea is definitely an A+! PEACE OUT!