Best Thing I've EVER Done!!!

Sorry I couldn't post updates, our internet crapped out :( But I finally have a success story! I've been avoiding letting K.J. cry it out at night, I finally decided that's what I needed to do, but postponed it forever. I thought it would be horrible, I thought he'd scream for hours, I thought it would rip my heart out, but it has gone so much more smoothly than expected! One night I had had enough and reached my limit with the whole thing, so the next day I moved his matress in his room and just didn't breast feed him, he got cranky and wanted a nap, but I wasn't going to feed him to get him to sleep! So he skipped his nap, then I did his night time routine in his room and left and let him scream. That was the hardest part for me, I bawled a little, but he fell asleep after 20 minutes. He woke up at one, we did the same thing, Kualii checked on him, made sure he was ok, then let him cry and fall asleep, then he woke up again at about 5:30 so I gave him his sippy cup, he was thirsty after all the screaming, and did the same thing, and he slept till 10:30! Last night was about the same, but he didn't have to cry himself back to sleep, as soon as he knew he was safe with Mom or Dad, he drifted off to sleep ok. He did wake up at 8 and was grumpy and tired still, so I put him back in there and he slept till noon!
He's tired and grumpy during the day, I think just from the change and getting use to sleeping somewhere else, but I'm so happy! I know we still have work to do, hopefully he'll learn to sleep without those little breaks, and I've heard that when you do this method they sometimes have a relapse or setback around night 4, but I'm feeling so optimistic! I know I can handle it. I should have done this sooner! But now, I'll know for next time :-)

Update on KJ.

Well, I'm not too impressed about the progress K.J. is making on sleeping through the night/ weaning. I think a lot of that frustration is because of our trip to Lake Havasu. He was kind of a hand full the whole time, but he was in unfamiliar territory, plus he's not use to having to compete for toys or having his cousins try to steal mommy's attention. And it was a long hard trip! Anyway, I was so tired from travelling all night and K.J. would just not stop sucking. and I felt like not much was coming out and it was hurting so bad, but everytime I'd take him off, his eyes would open and he'd start to scream. I started to lose my temper, just cause I was so tired and it was too painful to sleep through, That's when I decided I'm going to try to just let him cry it out. I haven't always believed in it, and my instincts have gone completely against it, but I just feel like he deserves a fun mommy who doesn't lose her patience with him because I'm too tired. And I feel like I deserve a good nights rest. I know it's going to be really hard for me, but he needs to know that he can't get feedings from me at night any more! I know that our bond is secure enough that this wont traumatize him at least not for very long. I don't know anyone (except my Mom) who this hasn't worked for. And I'm willing to try anything at this point, I'm tired and hurting and it'll be better for everyone if he can just sleep through the night. I'm gonna give him a day or two to get used to being back home, then try it out. I'll keep you posted... wish me luck!

Well, I had my 1st doctor's appointment for the new baby. Everything seems ok, I've had some spotting so the doctor sent me for an ultrasound, and the baby was where it was suppose to be and had a heartbeat, so that was reassuring! I would post a picture, but the buttheads didn't give me one.
Dr. Clark advised me to stop breastfeeding K.J. Ugh. So much easier said than done! We co-sleep, so I feel like if I'm gonna stop breastfeeding, I need to kick him out of my bed! It's time, and I know a lot of people breast feed through pregnancy, but my boobs hurt SOOOO bad!!! I know it wont happen over night, so we're easing into it. I don't think I've cut back on breastfeeding yet, but I'm preparing. I took his crib apart and made him a little bed on the floor (he hated the crib) I took a few days and left everything the same, so I could get use to the change. It will be scary for me too. I'm so firmly attatched to him that it's gonna be tough. I figured out early on that I could not carry him from my room to his room or from the car seat to his room without him waking up, so after a meltdown, about feeling like I could never do this, and like I would have to breastfeed him forever, and have a family of four sleeping in one bed, I decided to keep things gradual. I need to be patient. I mean he's still teething, and he uses it for comfort. So, I dragged his little mattress into my room, right by my side of the bed. and last night, after his little routine I breastfed him till he fell asleep, and put him in his bed, and he slept there for 2 hours. I didn't put him back at all the rest of the night, I don't want to overwhelm us. and today he took his nap in his bed. I know It's not much, but I feel like it's progress.
This is probably real boring to anybody reading this, but I want to document our progress, so I have an outlet on good days and bad. I know as long as I follow my instincts, I'll be doing what's best for both of my babies!

Surprise!!!

Once upon a time: Kualii and I went to Gunnison to see our precious new nephew, Kurtis. Kualii had to come back to go to work, but I decided K.J. and I wanted to spend some more time with the family (especially the baby). I was up there for about a week, and Kualii and I aren't a good long distance couple, we miss eachother too much! So, he came and picked me up, and I was SO happy to see him!!! Anyway, a few weeks later, I woke up feeling dizzy and nauseous, and I said to myself, " No, I couldn't be pregnant, I didn't feel sick with K.J. until like the second month, people don't feel sick from the very beginning... right?" So, in the next few weeks I lost my appetite, kept getting dizzy and nauseous, and getting heartburn. I was so paranoid by the first of this month that I got 2 early pregnancy tests, and guess what? they both came back POSITIVE! I got so excited I almost hyperventelated.
I know I didn't want another one so soon, but, it is what it is! And honestly, I have had the best time with K.J. why wouldn't I want to do it again? Heavenly Father has another special person for us, and I feel so blessed! Plus it'll be so good for K.J. will have a little playmate to grow up with! I know it'll be tough sometimes, but I know I'll get the help I need!
I'm about 5 and a half weeks, I'm due February 7th. I wasn't going to announce it so soon, but when we went back up for Kurtis's blessing, Kualii announced it to my parents ward in his testimony (At first I was mad, but now I think it's so cute how excited he is!), So I figure I might as well tell the world! Also, I feel like it might be another boy, I'd love a girl, but we'll see.
So, there you have it! A week apart from eachother + super fertility + forgetting protection = BUN IN THE OVEN!!!

Lovin' Life!

I just had an awesome visit with my sister, Andrea!!! It left me feeling way more positive and up beat than I have been feeling for a while. I feel more confident in my mothering skills. Reflecting on it, I'm doing a pretty good job with my boy, I mean I play with him and read to him and say prayers with him. I try to feed him good food, and I sing to him and tell him I love him, so just cause I have some weaknesses doesn't mean I'm not a good mommy! As long as I try my hardest, right? I've also been feeling really stupid because I'm not in school right now and sometimes didn't do so great when I was in school, but, just because I'm not continuing my education right now, doesn't mean I can't do it at some point! It's never too late! I'm thinking about going to the skin institute down here, it's expensive, but when I help people like that I feel really good about myself! Like, I gave my mom a pedicure and waxed her eyebrows when I was up there, and I loved doing it!
I love feeling hopeful. Besides being inspired by eachother we had a way fun time this weekend! We laughed so much, and I felt like my old self! We watched New Moon and mostly made fun of it- we gave the characters weird voices and made up our own dialogue (Bella was a valley girl, Edward was a creepy old british man, and Jacob was a surfer) it was really late at night, so it seemed really REALLY funny to us! Good times! We also got some really funny pics (mostly on her camera- boo!) One of them is of K.J. looking like he was doing the sprinkler dance, it's hilarious!
So, in conclusion I'm really happy right now! Hooray!
Side note: I love Krista and Phil!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am so freakin happy for you guys!

Kurtis!

I'm so excited today, because I'm an aunty again! I'm happy K.J. will have a little boy cousin so close to his age to play with, a little over a year apart! I think K.J. knew what was going on the whole time last night, because he was up like EVERY hour (he's probably cutting more teeth) I like to believe that he remembers Kurtis very well, and his spirit knew he was coming! Maybe that's bull crap, I don't know, but with babies, I don't think heaven is ever far, I think the veil is thin for them. This morning when I showed K.J. pictures of the baby, he didn't seem to show any signs of recognizing him or anything, I tried to teach him to say "baby" all he said was "doh!" I'm very excited for him to meet his cousin in real life! I am also very proud of my sister in law, Kadie, I know she did a great job, labor is very hard and scary! And word to my brother! He did not throw up or pass out, or do like we predicted and throw up, then pass out and choke, then wake up and have a seizure and choke some more. Good Job, Zack and Kadie, and Welcome, Baby Kurtis!

A year of K.J.!

Baby meets Mommy
Baby meets Daddy

K.J.'s Family

Sleeping

Blessing day

Big time gap when I didn't have a camera...

At the beach

Little Pumpkin!

Happy 6 month old

Who dis white guy?

Presents!

Mom, check this out!

Spagetti hair!

Short hair!

Mmmmm....

Cake:o)

Awesome Birthday present

BUBBLES!

Episode VI, Return of the Cynda!

I haven't blogged in over a year, but, lately I have been feeling the need for more creativity in my life. I just want to write or make or create something beautiful or funny or awesome. I have already created something beautiful and funny and awesome, and he is currently playing with his Lightening Mcqueen (sp?) push toy. He just tried to climb up on it, then get on the coffee table, I told him he was going to get hurt, his reply was, "gun gaw." I love his little language, it's like he knows what he's talking about, but I don't. Gun gaw probably meant, "Get off my back, Mom!"
I just love him so much! I can't believe he's grown and changed, and he keeps changing every single day. I'm so glad I decided to have him. I can't get enough of him! I don't think I expected to be so overwhelmed with love. It's like a psychotic, all consuming love! I probably sound crazy, but that's how it is. Sometimes I sing to him at night, and I wish there was a song that was good enough for him. Like that described how awesome he is or how much I love him. Maybe Phil will help me compose one =)
I'm not saying I'm a perfectly happy, peaceful mother, I probably should be but, it's not in my nature. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out, but, I think every mom does! I'm doing pretty good now, he's destroying a word puzzle book and spreading the pages, but I'm not freaking out! I'm so nice! Ha ha, I'll clean it up later. Ok, that's all for now. I'll probably post some pictures of our year with K.J, and I'll try to post more entertaining posts.