Boob-ersations with Grandma

I've decided that if I ever had a stand up comedy act, I could make an entire act based on my grandparents and the adventures I tend to have with them. We all know Grandma Mickey, right? She's way crazy, I think she's got some dimentia going on and some good old narcisistic personality traits, and she loves when people pity her and hates... well, everyone (except her favorite "baby Ben" my uncle, but I think she kind of hates him too.) Anyhow, me and Andrea went to the Richfield Walmart to get some clothes and stuff with Andrea's gift card, and who should be there but the lovely and talented "G. Mick" who was at the mart in search of a new broom, which she never got, because she could just get one at the hardware store, and one at wal mart might break. In fact, she never bought anything, we suspect that she hangs out in stores like wal mart so she can see people she knows and make them her awkward conversational victims. And that's what I got to be! We were just picking out clothes, when she made her swoop. Andrea was blind sided, but I saw her first and got to do a round of the section before I went to exchange pleasantries. So we said Hi, had the usual Grandma conversation (weather, holidays, how I'm feeling) and she left to get her broom.Then we finish and proceed to the dressing rooms, and she comes back and is like, "well, can I visit with you for a minute?" um, yeah, grandma, I can't exactly say no. So while Andrea finishes trying on her clothes I have to think of things to say to her, and she's so hard to talk to because I know whatever I say she will misconstrue and spread around town what a whore i am or how snobby I am, or just wierd, which I don't care if the people of Aurora, Utah think I'm a wierd, snobby whore, but It makes it hard to think of things to say. Backto the story: the dressing rooms are right across from the lingerie department, which department apperantly horrifies my Grandma. We were right across from the large bra's that are all fancy and sexy. And she says, "are those real bra's?" and I say, "um, yeah..." here's the rest of the talk: Her: "well, they sure are big. and bright and colorful", me: "yeah, they are" her: "I can't imagine them making them so big! and why you'd want them so colorful." At this point I want to point out that some women actually do have big knockers, by choice or by nature, and those bra's are probably more for fun than for function, but I know that a comment like that will turn me back into Aurora Whore, so I don't say that. Here's more: Andrea: "Cynda, come look at this", my mind: "praise the Lord!" I go look at the outfit, and return to my doom. Grandma: "this is kind of an embarrassing place to stand", as she looks at a silky nightgown. Me: "I'm sure no one thinks you're shopping for yourself, grandma, and if they do, that's their problem." This comment will probably make me the snobby, rude, Aurora Whore, but, I can't edit everything! Grandma: "if you needed a bra that big, imagine the stress on your back" Me: "yep" Grandma: "My friend's daughter's were so big that she needed to get a surgury to make them smaller, because it was so bad for her back" me: "oh, I know Andrea's old room mate had to have her bra's special made because sttores didn't make them big enough. She was like an E cup or something." Grandma: "wow." Me:"I think she ended up having that surgury too" Grandma: "hmm." awkward silence. Then Andrea was FINALLY done. We went to pay, and Grandma went up front to wait for us, she didn't want to wait in line because she didn't have anything to buy. She just wanted to stand up front and wring her hands like a crazy little lady. So, we all left together, and tried to explain the concept of a gift card to her, I don't think she got it. No one should give her gift cards. We went towards our car and she explained to us that she parked clear back in the parking lot so she could get her exercise, even though we all know that she parks in the back of all parking lots so she can look for loose change people have dropped, somtimes she doesn't even go in a store she just walks the entire parking lot on her treasure hunts. And that was our fun encounter with Grandma.
For those of you who actually made it to the end of this blog, congratulations, and I don't want to be told I'm being a jerk, and I should consider myself lucky I even have a grandma, I already know this, and plus, If I didn't have grandma mickey in my life, I might have a higher self esteem, but I wouldn't get awesome psychotic experiences like this! This was a real crazy day!

Home Alone!!!!!!!!

Well, I got a cold. Therefore I got to miss kualii's cousin's college graduation. Up side of being sick, you get to get out of stuff like school, or incredibly boring college graduations, it also got me out of going to church to see my brother in law, John, get the melchezedik priesthood. Which I'm pretty glad for. The down side of being sick, well... being sick. I'm feeling much better now, and am enjoying my sweet alone time in the house. I'm usually away from Kualii, with his opening up the shop and working his other job too and all, but I'm not usually alone in the house. Today I'm a free woman. I can go throughout whatever percentage of the day that I choose bra-less and without brushing my teeth, although i did brush, that little dinosaur on tv told me to. I can verbally abuse the dogs when they are rude and refuse to fetch me ice cream, and no one will think the less of me, I can sing 'Hey Jude' at the top of my lungs, I don't have to hide in my room all day in order to avoid being annoyed, I can spend as much time on the computer as I want, I can walk around butt naked (which, lets face it, who doesn't want to do that in their in law's house... okay I didn't walk around naked, but I could have). It's also a great opportunity to hang out with one of the most awesome people ever: ME!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTA

Today is a very special day! It's the day Krista Morgan Eger becomes a woman... or turns 22, either way. Krista is one of my BFF's 4 LIFE!!(how lame was that? ha ha) and I have so many good memories with her that I decided to write her an uber-awesome birthday blog! Let's see what some good memories are... oh, there was that time that we went to the drive in to get slushes and ended up making an interpretive dance to that "you and I collide" song, a lot of our memories have to do with the art of dance:) that time I debuted my moves to her, that time she did a very sexy dance for me to my favorite Weezer song. (I am laughing so hard as I'm writing this). There's also that time we had a fight about whose boobs were bigger- they were definitely hers, but I will probably be more serious competition once I pop this baby out. There's been many a time we drove around in her and Phil's van to vent our problems, which I so appreciated! I'm sure there's much more, but, I have to go to class soon, and seeing that it would take me an eternity to write of the virtues of Krista, I'm just not going to have time! But, I love you so much (probably in innaproppriate ammounts...) I'm so glad fate made us neighbors! I hope I get to see you soon, but until then, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas Time!

Isn't it crazy that it's already December? It definitely doesn't feel like the good ol' Christmas season here in st. george, other than the Christmas lights around town. The leaves here are still all colorful and falling off. It just feels like this year is going so fast it's trying to catch up with itself. I am hoping that I'll be able to find a good present for everyone, and money to get said presents. I'm not all that worried about it though. I know it's not as much about the presents as it is about the spirit and all, but, here are some really awesome presents I want:
*A horse that changes colors, like on the wizard of oz.
*a magic carpet
*one of those white tiger cubs, with the really blue eyes. Those are cool.
*no stretch marks, they make me itchy:(
*new underwears (those aren't that cool, but I really need them)
*Kualii to have a sucessful garage business (this might actually happen soon, yay)
*never having to see a picture of Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie again.
*glass slippers
*a time machine (something maybe a little cooler than the dalorian on Back to the Future)
*an invisibility cape
* a regular cape, just to look cool like Superman.
*if I'm going to get a color changing horse, I might as well have a unicorn to keep it company.
*WORLD PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!